I never thought I would be here. I think life is funny like that. Rarely do we end up in the places we think we are going to go. It’s been about a month since I last breastfed, part of me is sad and part of me is amazed at the power breastfeeding held. I didn’t have to do much to get her calmed down or to sleep when I was able to offer her my breast. Continue reading “The end of an Era. My breastfeeding journey. “
T.H.O.T (n.) – that hoe out there. A woman who enjoys sexual variety just as much as a man yet is stigmatized on a higher scale.
Player (n.) – a person who enjoys games. A man who is constantly lauded by society for his numerous female conquests.
I love myself. There, I said it. I’m naturally a tease, can recite random facts with ease and rock a killer smile that always shines. I feel like I carry my 238 – 250 lbs beautifully with my wide hips, big butt and thick thighs. I am an educated, Haitian woman with multiple degrees and I love to be challenged. I have parents that put me on a pedestal, best friends that put up with my antics and self-confidence that is as large as the sky. I swish and sway as I move but boiling underneath the surface is a part of me that I despise.
“I don’t get a single second to myself.” I text my friend exasperated. As I hit send, my youngest is grabbing onto me to get balanced while my middle child has his arms around my neck. I try to pull them off of me as one cries and the other laughs wildly.
Have you ever had one of those days where your insides feel empty? A void just seems to linger inside your chest. Lately, days like that have seemed to multiply for me.
Per historical accounts and through missing pages in modern history books, we all traversed the Atlantic together. Yet, centuries of forced mental mindset and fierce measures to keep us separated have led us to immeasurable amounts of self hate.
Being a parent is hard. There I said it. It is difficult, challenging, and sometimes downright annoying. It changes the way you look at your life, goals that you have, and future plans that you want to make. Continue reading “Mommy Madness”
There’s no denying that I am angry.The emotion courses through my veins like hot lava. No matter how much I try to keep things civil between us, it’s proven to be impossible for the time being. You can only see your hurt as you make things worse for the kids. Removing yourself from their lives for now because you can’t stand watching me have a life without you in it. I get it, I do. I don’t want to be around you just as much as you don’t want to be around me. I am fully prepared to do this all on my own no matter what happens.
I will be their shoulder to cry on when they wonder where you are and why you are no longer around. I will not bad mouth you in front of them for making the decisions you made. I can not sympathize though.I see their hurt. I know they need you around. I am the one who deals with countless questions about your whereabouts and when they are going to see you again. As gently as I try to explain the situation in ways they understand, I can’t fill the void. I am only able to soften the blow. It hurts me to see them longing for something I can’t fulfill. If you think you can be replaced, I assure you that you can not be replaced in their eyes. They miss you and ask for you often. It frustrates me that you refuse to believe that the kids need you.
They need you just as much as they need me. We are the most important parts of their lives. I can’t replace you and you can’t replace me. Maybe we can get past this one day. The kids need us to.
Trying to parent while separated is not easy. Are/have you been a single parent?
I know, yet another politically charged post. Wait!! Stay with me though. This is not to point out one side being better than the other but a plea to stop all the unnecessary name calling and the ridiculous fights over someone’s beliefs being different from your own. It’s hard to watch friends, peers and family members trying to belittle one another because they can not agree on political views. It doesn’t matter if you are a member of the Republican, Democratic, Libertarian, or the Green Party, YOU are no better than or worse than the other. As the human race, we are equals. We breathe the same air, bleed the same color blood and have our own struggles.
She busts through the door like a mini tornado and quickly climb’s onto the bed to let me know she is awake. I know she is going to dominate the day because that’s just what she does. My niece Elyse has changed my perspective on life in ways I have yet to come to terms with. Her energy is infectious and her appetite is unabating. Don’t let her small size fool you! She can eat pizza, a plate of rice and drink a cup of juice in one setting.