Sometimes we ignore the expiration date….
We all have habits. Some are very healthy and enrich our life. Others are detrimental yet so addictive that multiple life shattering events may have to happen before we decide to break up with MR. /Mrs. Habit. Blind Loyalty could have been my middle name and the unwavering support over the years buoyed by my intense feelings kept me complacent. The multiple bending of the knees and human beings never to be named did not cause feelings to stray. The incessant fights and constant breaks made the heart grow fonder. As the insecure girl with a grandma look and a fierce mouth, I never quite understood the initial attraction but there you were. Your swag was apparent and your lips were full.
The red flags appeared earlier than I cared to admit but my infatuation was unwavering. Even after the heart was broken the first time and a summer away in New England included hanging with cousins and feeling the edges of the Ziploc bag thrust in and out of the cave, the heart healed and a few months later we started the cyclical dance. The good times were plenty and the flowers received each week were romantic. However, the trust began to erode and infidelity sprang up like chicken pox infecting a kindergarten class. No need for names since there were so many but after each tryst, the guilt became more manageable and the reigns of leaving felt ever tighter.
The call that changed our young lives scared us back to reality. Cancer is a scary thing for anyone but you handled the diagnosis like a soldier headed to fight rebels in Afghanistan. Thank goodness for MG who allowed time off every other Wednesday so we could watch chemicals be pumped into your veins in order to ultimately change your way of life. Here came another marriage proposal and yet something said to delay the inevitable. Love is the most wanted and trickiest of emotions. Love can cause you to steal, lie, manipulate, succeed, die and trust blindly. As the years started to blend and the mistakes started to pile on and the rumors became rampant, we could no longer ignore what our fate was to be. Just because you love someone does not mean they are the someone for you. We are not meant to love one person and anyone who feels that way does not understand how love works.
No one will ever be able to take your place as you were the first of few. No one will ever understand the depth of our desires because there are so many. No one can feel the loss because the wall is built. No one can say they are sorry because sorry would be a small band-aid laid over the gash you’ve left.
I do love you.
I would give you half of a heart.
I miss you sometimes.
I cut the cord.
Do you have habits? Have you ever been in a relationship that changed your life?
Please share your thoughts, perspectives and comments below.