Claire's Corner

The Pain of Cheating


Disclaimer: Cheating occurs in various forms and ultimately has no clear, cut winners.

The Cheated:

Your schedule revolved around his and to the world, you were the perfect pair. The over the top man and the docile woman were #relationshipgoals to strive for.  The twelve-hour shifts and the opposing schedules were challenging but the moments shared were filled with laughter, lots of sex and sharing future aspirations. As he pulled away and the routine deviated, your gut throbbed. Instead of opening up the blinds of truth, justifications of his inactions pervaded and secret prayers hoping that he hadn’t strayed prevailed.

Eventually, the infidelity comes to light and in it’s path lies the irreversible feelings of loss. Your insecurities magnify as you try to understand your role in his actions. Did you not keep the house clean? Did he long for something more than missionary ? The constant arguments may have caused him to seek refuge and guidance from his female friend. Once she spread her legs and she invited him in, you were replaced for those minutes when he thrusted his relationship away. Maybe you were never enough or your family’s disapproval castrated his perceived position in your life. How do you explain to your children that their father will not be coming home each day? Betrayal and shame permeate your senses as you try to decide if you will give him a chance to rebuild what you thought was everyday cake. In those ember moments, you temporarily dally with the notion to seek revenge or disappear. To be cheated on is to experience a pain many have come to feel at one point but is almost taboo to discuss. Cheating is double-blind as it has no regard for a specific gender or age.

The Cheater:

She has always been placed on a pedestal by him. The weekly flower bouquets and the constant texts reminding her of his love were not enough to placate her lust. Yes, he was good to her but his perceived shortcomings provided her the space to seek comfort in the arms of another man. Gion provided all the attention she thought she did not receive from her main squeeze and his constant reminders of how beautiful she was  clouded her judgment. For a long time, she friend zoned him and tried to keep the conversations platonic. As the pressures of life consumed her and the communication moved into inappropriate arenas, she started to second guess Gion’s role. Her first transgression may have been met with some  regret and guilt but as time passed, she fully encapsulated the role of the cheater. The high of sneaking around and cuddling in the arms of someone who did not have the title of mate enthralled her. Eventually, her activities were exposed and denial ensued. “Gion is just a friend.” ” That naked picture was sent on accident.” ” You were not there for me when I experienced the loss of our child.” It would have been much simpler if she just admitted that she could not walk away from the life she built with him yet yearned for something different that could have possibly filled her void.

Unfortunately, cheating is an everyday occurrence and for some, will be an experience that they will not escape. As a person who has been a witness on both ends of the spectrum, the aftermath of cheating can be enlightening for one party and life changing for the other. Before you decide to step out of the bounds of a closed relationship, ask yourself if you are ready to deal with the consequences inflicted on all the parties involved.

Artwork by Pascal Campion

To be continued….

Have you been cheated on? Have you ever cheated?  I would love to hear your stories and thoughts below.


31 thoughts on “The Pain of Cheating”

  1. So in the first the guy cheats the second the girl does. So they both cheated or is this two couples? I’m confused lol

  2. I’ve been cheated on before and it really is horrible. Especially with someone you really have fallen for and thought you had a great relationship. I’ve never cheated myself. But I have felt like cheating before. Obviously I didn’t and did a lot of thinking about the relationship and realised if I have those feelings then I shouldn’t stay in the relationship. I broke things off because those feelings were wrong. I would rather end the relationship than cheat.

  3. I’ve been cheated on. And yes it hurts like hell. It was particularly hard because soon after I found out I was pregnant. But one door closed and another opened. I got a precious little boy 🙂 He went on to be with the girl he cheated me with, but eventually got cheated on himself (karma?).

  4. Cheating is just wrong full stop. I don’t think it should be the norm or expected. I like your desctiptions. They are very detailed and interesting.

  5. I’ve never cheated and can honestly say I never would. I’ve been cheated on before and could never inflict that kind of pain on anyone else. If the relationship isn’t working, then you either work harder to make it work, or go your separate ways. Not take the easy option of cheating x

  6. This was a very passionate, well written post. And I like the way you’ve illustrated that both men and women can be the cheaters. I have been cheated on a few times, but I have never cheated – I just don’t think I could do it, I’d feel too guilty!

  7. I’ve been cheated on and it was honestly the worst feeling of betrayal. I have emotionally cheated on a boyfriend before because I simply didn’t feel wanted. No excuse, and no better, but it definitely happens in various ways and still is damaging. But I do think there is recovery if both parties are willing to start from ground zero and work at it.

  8. Lovely written post. I don’t think I could cheat on someone, well I hope I don’t ever. It seems like a really hard thing to go through. I think it is important to always remember the effects of your actions on each member of the relationship.

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