Claire's Corner

Why must I abide by your double standards? T.H.O.T vs Player

T.H.O.T (n.) – that hoe out there. A woman who enjoys sexual variety just as much as a man yet is stigmatized on a higher scale.
Player (n.) – a person who enjoys games. A man who is constantly lauded by society for his numerous female conquests.

John takes Eileen on a date and during conversation asks ” So, how many men have you slept with?” Eileen is nervous to be honest because she’s really into John and knows she has to answer carefully. She replies  ” 3″ and reciprocates John’s question. ” I have had 10 partners” says John. The date ends and as they part ways, John is contemplating  ways to avoid Eileen in the future because she simply has too many “miles.”
Miles (n.) – a ridiculous and discriminatory piece of urban slang to describe the number of times × the amount of men a woman has fornicated with.

John and Eileen are characters of course but this is a daily and unfair burden that women across the United States and in many societies must carry. Society tells her that she is not allowed to be a sexual creature and she has to carry herself  conservatively in the way that she expresses, discusses and engages in an activity that is meant for all adults to partake in. Some will say we need to abstain to make sure we preserve our bodies to find ourselves a husband. Is my future husband preserving himself for me as well? Meanwhile, Tommy, Kevin, Daquan and all the other people who have a penis between their legs get to go around and sleep with whomever they want with no repercussions. If we want to get scientific, we are genetically predisposed at a minimum to eat, sleep and procreate.

Why are men and some women given the platform to label us as whores, sluts and other vile adjectives while our male counterparts do the EXACT thing?! ” Bruh, you the man!” “You shouldn’t punish my son for 20 minutes of fun…”  ” He needs to go out there and sow his royal oats.” Well if Marge can’t do it, then it should be unacceptable  for Caleb too. How come we discount all the  great qualities Tina brings to the table such as her education, good credit and family values because she is swimming in double digits from past pleasure?

Often, women are forced to lie about the partners they’ve had or the sexual activities they enjoy  because they know that most people are going to judge them instead of them being open and honest about what they really are.  I have heard the centuries-old argument that women have much more to lose and they can get pregnant. Okay but if we’re using condoms and birth-control then it really shouldn’t matter. If that doesn’t work for you, just abstain until you find the person that works for you.
Better yet, why are you asking me about my partner count anyways? The vagina doesn’t leave mile markers and I promise you most can not tell the  difference between 1 and 100… Loosen up, be responsible and live life.

Love,

A woman who likes and talks about sex.

Why does the sexual double standard persist? What is your definition of a player? Should women be as sexually liberal as men?

Let me know what you think!

4 thoughts on “Why must I abide by your double standards? T.H.O.T vs Player”

  1. Definitely, a double standard. That being said, anyone who is engaging in daily different partner ‘play’, or even more concerning several different ‘play’ partners through out the day, is concerning, and not someone (male, or female) who is mentally, physically, or emotionally healthy(please refer to Claire’s post on addiction). I think people are generally afraid of women who are, truly, in control of her sexuality, and sex, and it’s easy to name call than to address ones own fears about their own sexual issues.

  2. Well, I believe we live in a society where people are starting to think that men and women are equal and everything should be fair between the two sexes. If we are to be realistic, life is not fair and there are no two people in the world that are equal. Double standards will always exist in all capacities of society. I truly believe that the player versus T.H.O.T situation is more so about the male Pride and Ego than anything else. Men cannot handle the idea that their girlfriend or wife has been with many other sex partners. Subconsciously, many men will compare themselves to the women’s previous guys and will be thinking about what other people have to say. The way women are portrayed by the media does not help with the situation either; this double standard will not change within our lifetime.

    1. The question I would pose to this audience. Why would a woman want to have as many partners as a man? In general, women have always been the gender that exhibits higher morals. Men show a lack of care for how they are viewed on this subject, but I would really respect any man that waited till he was married to have sex. That is really the way the Lord wants us to act. Society and the western world have skewed the way we think and its sad to watch. On both sides of the coin, men and women should always try to do the right thing. Sleeping around with several partners is not cool for anyone.

      1. Hey Horace! I don’t think women necessarily want a pass for unlimited sex partners. Instead, they don’t want the stigma associated with having multiple partners that men seem to be immune to.

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